Dating is a weird and wholly unnatural sort of situation. Online dating even more so. I think Seinfeld had a bit where he compared dating to a job interview, except that if it goes well you both take your pants off at the end.

by spudgunner

Up until very recently I wouldn’t really say I had ever dated. For the most part I’d just sort of meet someone and a relationship would somehow just organically grow out of it. No special fertilizers or grow lamps required. While I have met two of my previous girlfriends through Lavalife, in both cases they were the first people I went out with and in both cases the first date turned into a relationship in short order.

This is why my current situation is new to me. For the first time in my life I’m actually going on dates in the stereotypical sort of way, and it’s a completely novel experience.

by enggul

It starts with the online application process. You read the job description and provide your resume along with a cover letter that you try to tailor to the qualities they are looking for. You want to seem pleasant, eager and qualified, and not desperate for any position you can get. Too much or too little of anything is bad at this point.

Which is why my first instinct at this stage is already incorrect. I want to essentially write the person a long winded and grandiloquent blog-post-like response extolling my knowledge of some factual minutiae that they included in their description.

And it’s sentences like that that prevent women from sleeping with me.

I think that an appropriate response to “I like Woody Allen movies” is a half-assed doctoral thesis on the subject, made up of some random facts and some random made-up facts. Instead of, you know, just saying I liked Annie Hall.

by chesswithdeath

At this point I’ve discovered that the key to getting over the first hurdle is just sending a quick message that I don’t think about and is no longer than about four sentences. No one wants to read through a dissertation length message from someone you don’t know.

And this isn’t dishonest or hiding my true personality. In fact I’ve come across it naturally. I’ve gotten to the point now where I can’t be bothered to put in that much effort when my experience tells me that there is probably only a 20% chance they’ll acknowledge you.

by nattu

Then the actual date. That thing where two strangers meet in a public location to figure out if they want to meet again in another public location.

Aside from the rare cases where the other person is clearly just conducting an interrogation to find your faults, this is generally where I begin to enjoy the process.

I like meeting new people and exploring their personalities. Having discussions where you have no idea what the other persons perspective will be. You come across these conversational surprises, points of view or opinions you hadn’t considered before. It may be going well, it may be going horribly, but it’s all intellectual gravy to me.

by iambigred

And that’s where the next hurdle comes up. I often become so immersed in discovering this person that I forget that this is supposed to be a romantic experience for some people. Overt flirting may become a secondary concern compared to figuring out why someone thinks the way they do.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m frequently a very flirty person, but I don’t feel the need to steer the conversation exclusively in that direction. For me, psychologically sparing is also flirting, and intellectually respecting someone is essential to me finding them sexually attractive. A good debate is foreplay in my opinion.

by Steve Wampler

So online dating doesn’t seem to mesh terribly well with my personality. And maybe that’s the case with most people.

So why do it? Why not go to AGO or take a cooking class and talk to girls?

Aside from the fact that those two options are kind of creepy, I do the online dating thing because it’s a relatively easy way to meet a lot of interesting people that you otherwise would not come across. At least in these situations you know that the person is single, the person is at least somewhat interested in talking to you, and everyone involved is aware that this is a date.

So I’ll keep trying it out. I’ll keep talking the way I talk and acting the way I act and hopefully at some point it’ll click. But in the mean time regardless of whether or not I actually end up with any of these people, I still enjoy figuring out what makes them tick, as well as what that means for me and what I’m looking for.

This round of dating started off with me looking for someone. But the more people I meet, the more I find out things about myself that are of greater interest and value than if I had hooked up right away. And that may just be me rationalizing my current position, but even if it’s an unintended consequence, it’s still true.

by kxlly